天空

I had a bad dream last night.

In my dream, I was back to USA and was in my home with family and friends. I could not find my ex, and I heard he was with another woman. I was so upset so I called him. I yelled on the phone asking him to make a choice. If he chose me, he needs to come home right now; if he chose her, we would have a divorce tomorrow and I would go back to TW right away. I pushed him to choose, I said: “You make a choice! Me or her?” and after that, I heard “her” from the other side of the phone. He had made his choice. He chose her. At that moment, I was disappointed but I was calm. I told him: “then we will get a divorce tomorrow.” The next second I woke up.

After I opened my eyes I realized it was a dream, and I looked at my side, my hubby was sleeping next to me snoring. I smiled , closed my eyes, and told myself: “good, it’s just a dream. It’s over now. I have a new life now.”

The truth is, I made that decision. I was the one who decided that it’s time for me to leave since there’s no reason for me to fight for any more. I wanted to go “home”. USA was never truly my home.

It has been a nightmare to me for several years and I keep dreaming of him once in a while. Every time I cried in my dream and woke up with extremely upset feelings. Sometimes it would affect my whole day. But with time being slowly he was out of my mind and I didn’t dream of him for a long time. This time I was calm and accepted the result in my dream. I guess that’s a good thing.

I do not like to be left out. I want to be important to someone. I want to prove that I mean something. I thought if I was left out, it must be because I was not good enough so that I was not chosen and I was given up.

With busy life going, I start realizing that what I used to care was not matter that much to me anymore. I learned to enjoy being alone, and to please myself. When there’s a chance, I would help people and make a few donations. If I really want to have a better achievement, I work hard for it. If some issues keep happening in my life, I learn the lesson and find a solution. That’s life. That’s what I’ve become: to a better me.

I am stronger, smarter, softer, and clearer. I know what’s the best for me, and I choose to do the right thing.

I am not ashamed of my past because that’s part of who I am. I am proud of me because I’ve become a better person today.