天空

I think I have anxiety issue and I need a professional help.

My work stress was too high. It gets to a point that I can break anytime.

I cry easily, get angry just need one second, inpatient to anything, fill with anger, talk fast, think fast, walk fast,eat fast, and don’t want to lose anything.

At work that makes me super high efficient. I achieved almost every goal I was required, and accomplished almost every task I was assigned to. I was almost a workaholic, and I know I did well. I can feel it.

But that also makes me uneasy to work with because I was very demanding and I expected my coworkers to work at the same speed as I do. If not, I would not tolerate for too long, and I don’t give them a break. I expected everyone to do their job well so I can move forward with my projects faster.

When I walked in the company or on the road, I usually looked only ahead. I did not see who had passed by me therefore I did not say hi to anyone. It looks like I was careless for anyone. I looked cold and prideful. I don’t care how people think of me because I just focus on what I want. I was busy every day, I don’t have time to play social with them. I hate wearing masks but that’s what I do everyday at work.

When I was off work and back to home, I was exhausted. Super tired and hate everything. Nothing looks right in my eyes. I was bitter and sour. On the top of my work stress, there is family stress, life stress, and marriage stress.

I take it out on whoever is near me. My mom, my dad, and my husband. Mostly my husband. Because I thought he should understand how much stress I have and he should know better. He should just put it all up with me! I constantly fought with my mom, and my husband. I feel I am so lonely and no one could ever understand me. Why do I have so much pain? Why can’t I just live in a easy life? Why can’t I have what I wanted? I want to buy a house, I need another car, I need to pay my bills, I want to go travel. So many desires but so less money!!! I want to work harder! Harder than ever so I desire to have a raise.

And all that makes me more stress!

I think it’s the point that I need to stop. Breathe, breathe, and get a good sleep. I did not get enough sleep for a while.

I need to slow down. Relax. I have proof myself. It’s time to take it slow.

I will go see a doctor for anxiety and take some medicine. I think that’s what I need for now. To save my soul.